


All the Pieces

by Tahlruil



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Canon Compliant through CACW, Dealing with PTSD, How Do I Tag, Hurt Tony, Ignores Canon After That, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overprotective Steve Rogers, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prompt Fic, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Rhodey, Protective Sam Wilson, Some Humor, Some Plot, Some angst, The Avengers Have Issues, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 10:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14746952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tahlruil/pseuds/Tahlruil
Summary: Fill for this prompt on Tumblr from hawaiianlei13:"Bucky doesn't understand why the Tony Stark he meets is so different from the one Stevie and his friends tell him about. He doesn't understand why Tony Stark flinches every time he or Stevie take a step towards him. (Truth to be told, Bucky doesn't remember much about Civil War). He doesn't understand why Tony Stark knows an awful lot about triggers and PTSD. Bucky intends to find out, because Stevie would tell him the whole truth, wouldn't he?"





	All the Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> I know there are other things I should update, but I really liked this prompt and within like, an hour of getting it I had it started. So. Sorry? :'D I held off on posting it for a while because of that other stuff, but I've actually gone through and edited it once which is a _drastic_ increase of the usual amount of editing I do, and the lovely hawaiianlei13 even went through it too. 
> 
> It's been itching at the back of my mind to get this posted for _days_.
> 
> Promise I'll update my other stuff before I do this one again. XD
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments make me very happy, so leave some maybe if you're feeling up to it. <3

There were so few things that Bucky remembered with any clarity; too much of it slipped through his fingers like grains of sand. So those things that he could hold onto he grasped tightly, greedily. He kept them close to his heart and largely kept his mouth shut about them, afraid to give away too much and have that picture fade away.

His sister Becca had spent almost six months hoarding pennies that same way during the Great Depression. Her job sewing for some of the richer ladies in the city had helped them keep food on the table. Bucky had earned his contribution by hanging around the docks some days, offering to do odd jobs for sailors. In return, their ma would make them keep what she could afford to... which never amounted to much. Bucky didn't remember a whole lot about what he had done with his pennies, though there was a vague impression of passing coins to Sarah Rogers when her pride let her take them, and of buying hard candy for himself and Stevie that left their hands and mouths sticky. But Becca? Becca had had a vision, and he remembered her guarding her meager funds as fiercely as Bucky did his scraps of memory now.

The day she had come home with a brand new jigsaw puzzle was a bright, warm spot in his mind. It had been beautiful, a picture of a river shrouded in mist with a few boats sailing towards the sun rising behind that foggy curtain. Bucky had wanted to look at it forever; it had captured one of his favorite parts of being on the docks in the early morning.

Becca hadn't let him touch it that first day, but he and Stevie were allowed to sit close by and watch her put it together. Stevie had lost patience quick, but Bucky hadn't followed him out of their tiny apartment. He had been too captivated by Becca's clever fingers and the picture slowly taking shape beneath them. He hadn't even felt too guilty when he saw the black eye Stevie was sporting the next day, even though he had probably gotten it in a fight he had started without Bucky there to back him up.

He also hadn't invited Stevie back to watch again.

That puzzle had been lovingly looked after for almost a year before Becca lost the first piece. It had been put together so often that the edges were getting worn and soft, and Bucky had even been allowed to touch it for a few months by then. The loss of that piece hadn't been enough to make her get rid of it. Neither had the loss of the next piece, or the one after that, or the one after that. It got to the point where there were more pieces missing than they had to put together, but they still kept that puzzle. They kept it because Becca had worked so hard to buy it, because it had given them so much relief from the hard parts of life while it lasted. The puzzle stuck around, full of holes, edges so soft they hardly connected anymore, picture faded and peeling, because of what they remembered it being.

Stevie had never really been a fan of jigsaw puzzles. They were too fidgety and fussy, without the active creativity required for drawing. It was sort of ironic, because these days Bucky felt like a jigsaw puzzle himself. Not even a brand-new one either - he wasn't the shiny, spiffy version that people would hoard pennies for. He was trying to hold on to all the pieces, he _was_ , but... nobody had ever been as careful with him as Becca had been of her prize. Bucky thought he had been shedding pieces since the first time he shot a man in a country that wasn't his own.

Now that Bucky Barnes was more holes than pieces, not worth much of anything to anyone. The Winter Soldier was a more complete picture; everyone hated that reality, but nobody hated it more than he did. It left him clutching at those remaining parts, the ones that were as warm and bright as the memory of Becca coming home with that puzzle. He tried to be as careful as he remembered her being with the damn thing, tried to keep what was left of his puzzle together and safe.

Stevie thought he was helping when he insisted that Bucky was fine, that Bucky was still the man that had been his best friend. Like Becca, he couldn't see past the memory of what the puzzle had been when it first came out of the box. Stevie ignored his missing parts, glossed over them with an ease that _hurt_ , content as long as Bucky didn't remind him of everything they both had lost.

Sometimes he thought that Stevie wanted him to be whole again even more than he himself did. Sometimes he worried that Stevie would do anything to put the jigsaw puzzle that was Bucky Barnes back together the way Stevie remembered it being. Sometimes the thought of that, and the thought of what might happen when Stevie realized that could never be, scared him.

But even as he worried, even as he hoarded what he had left of who he had been, Bucky was working on putting together a new life for himself. He had been gathering pieces for that new puzzle since he pulled Stevie out of the river. It wasn't going to be the same picture, and maybe there would be holes in that one too... but it was one that could grow. This one he didn't feel guilty for being unable to complete, because he was still finding the pieces. It was a scavenger hunt as much as a puzzle, and he felt himself smile every time another part of his new self slotted into place.

Stevie didn't always like the picture Bucky was making of himself, but Bucky tried not to let that bother him. He didn't need Stevie's permission to move on... and he couldn't force Stevie to do the same. Eventually, Stevie would have to understand. Eventually he would have to let the old Bucky go - the same way Becca had finally let go of the puzzle she had worked so hard to buy, no matter how much she had hated to do it. Bucky wanted to be able to tuck the pieces of who he had been away, wanted to hoard them for himself and use them to remember. He wanted to keep that broken, ruined puzzle like a secret, a foundation that most people didn't need to see. Bucky wanted the new puzzle to be the one that people looked at, even Stevie. He was going to be more careful with the pieces of this one; he was going to do his best to keep it, _himself_ , as whole as he could.

Bucky knew that Stevie didn't always like the idea of that. Sometimes he worried that Stevie would do _anything_ to put him back together in the same shape that Stevie remembered him being. Despite that, he had assumed that Stevie, the man who was supposed to be his best friend, would understand. He had been sure that Stevie had seen the way Bucky had lost pieces of himself, had seen how much it tore him up inside. He had thought that even if Stevie didn't like the picture... well. Bucky had thought that Stevie would still be interested, even invested, in helping that puzzle come together with as few holes as possible. After everything he had been through, Bucky had thought Stevie would be the one person he could count on to stop anyone from ripping anything more away.

It had never occurred to him that _Stevie_ would be the one stealing pieces Bucky needed to complete himself.


End file.
